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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often blindsided by others. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, probably realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few close to her vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role in the relationship is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she has strong opinions. I attempt to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She is planning a vacation to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for a while. I attempted to provide personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She purely only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I've just returned from a month there she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can comprehend the impact of her actions on my confidence. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's wildly effective in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, for those who have a deep-seated story: they rely on a narrative about themselves they're unable to release since their identity relies on it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route here, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider on your words. If you never reach a resolution, it provides satisfaction that you've been open and direct.