Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's prominent comedians devoted the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which permits international citizens to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for $5 million. An official page guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.